do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
