so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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