I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize