I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
