Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
