Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
