Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
