I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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