I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
