I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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