But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
