I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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