Who did Billy Mays play for?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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