After last night, I could never be a politician.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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