Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
