O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
