I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
