How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
