you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize