Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
