Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
