it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
