Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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