So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
