I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
