Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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