Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize