Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
