I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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