help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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