Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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