The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How's work?
Spinning.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
