Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
