I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
