my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
