I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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