I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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