she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
