dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
