Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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