My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
