first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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