I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
