You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
