I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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