i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
