I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
