I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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