Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
