I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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