Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
