why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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