He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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