If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i believe in u and ur pee
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
