so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
