Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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