Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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