you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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