Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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