She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
