final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
