does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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