PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
