We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize