Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize