Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
