so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
