how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
