WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
