I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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