I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Boobs speak an international language.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
