dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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