First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
