This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
